Tis the Holidays, it is time to dole out the trophies and rewards! There were tremendous performances this year, and some really bad ones. There were newcomers, and reliable old timers. There were comebacks and setbacks. Politicians, celebrities, commentators, athletes, foreign leaders, friends, and foes are anxious to hear the results. Santa had the final say on who took home the bacon in 2018.
The Osama Bin Laden: Given to a prominent dignitary who displayed tremendous talent at hide go seek………. KEITH SCHILLER
The Bella Lugosi: Awarded to the person in the news, who, with no effort at all,
demonstrated real creepiness……….MICHAEL AVENATTI
The Helen Keller: Annually given to the someone who is blind and can see only out of one eye .……. (TIE) SEAN HANNITY and DON LEMON
The Bogie and BaCall: Awarded to the two people who fell in love during the year and have committed to each other for eternity………… KANYE WEST and DONALD TRUMP
The O.J. Simpson: This annually goes to the person who starts the year as a popular celebrity and ends the year a slimy Pariah……….. MATT LAUER
The James Carville and Mary Matalin: To the couple who bores us to death in everyway, everyday………. GEORGE and KELLEYANNE CONWAY
The Golden Pom Poms …… Presented to the woman who continued to be the loyal, diligent, house frau, firmly hidden in her husband’s small sullied shadow…….. DAISY BUCHANAN
The Jackie Kennedy Sealed Lips ……… To the woman in politics who keeps her mouth shut while her man sows his wild oats……….. MELANIA TRUMP
The O.J. II: Presented to the murderer who gets away it because he has so many times before………..CROWN PRINCE Of SAUDI ARABIA
The Strom Thurmond: To the politician who, despite being very old news, keeps talking as if he is relevant………. JOE BIDEN
The Mo Green (Of GODFATHER FAME): To the athelete who feels it is necessary to slap a woman around because she is not paying close enough attention…….KAREEM HUNT
The Obama: To the person who promised the most and delivered shit…….ROBERT MUELLER
The Sully (George Bush’s service dog) : To the person who demonstrates undying love and loyality to their master……ROGER STONE
The Sarah Palen: Awarded to the woman who got to where she is because she is a woman, not because of her talents………KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND
The 41…… Presented to the man who reaches an old enough age that he is allowed to grab women in their private parts with immunity…………DONALD TRUMP
The Judas: To the person who during the past year demonstrated the most treasonous behavior to a client in a business relationship……… MICHAEL COHEN
The Clarence Thomas: To the person who survived the most heinous accusations in a judiciary role…..BRETT KAVANAUGH
2012-13 Notre Dame Football: To the college football team that plays well against lesser opponents but actually sucks, and is way overrated ……. NOTRE DAME
The Bow Wow: Given to the paid per view spectacle that falis miserably………TIGER vs. PHIL
The Bitter Pill: Presented annually to a perennial loser, who, even during a funeral completely disrespects the current President……..HILLARY CLINTON
The Dan Rather: Awarded to the most one sided, disingenuous, self proclaimed moral authority in a leading role of a newscaster……… JAKE TRAPPER
The Caption Courageous: To the person who displayed amazing grace, humility, and respect in the most strenuous of circumstances…….. BOB DOLE
The Bobby Bonilla: Presented to a over the hill baseball player who signs a deal with the Mets knowing that he is stealing their money……. ROBINSON CANO
The Painted Smile: To the sleaziest politician whose face is fixed with a goofy sneaky smile on it …….. BILL CLINTON
The Newcomer: To the woman reporter who burst out on a major network with intelligence and beauty……..KRISTIN FISHER
The Shill: Presented to the person who nodded yes to their boss no matter what came out of the boss’s mouth……..MIKE PENCE
The Question Mark (Given Posthumously) : To the person who, on the surface, appeared to have reached the top of the mountain only to step over the ledge on purpose………ANTHONY BOURDAIN
The Cold Hand: To the person who shows extreme reluctance to shake a foe’s hand, even when it is politcally correct and proper etiquette to give a warm shake at a former president’s funeral…….BARACK OBAMA
The Chill Pill: Goes to the group who during the year registered the most convictions before hearing any evidence: THE ME TOO MOVEMENT
The Top to Bottom: Presented to the person in 2018, who, in a starring role was revealed to be the fattest, ugliest, rude, and most arrogant person on the planet…… HARVEY WEINSTEIN
Dora the Explorer: This award goes to the group that keeps walking despite the realization they will never reach their destination………THE FIRST CARAVAN
The Rockers: To the most derservant entry into next years Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. They have always been very inspiring artists for me personally…….. (tie) STEVIE NICKS and TODD RUNDGREN
