Matt’s mind was working overtime. The holidays have a way of doing that to us all. “The journey of 1,000 miles must begin with a single step,” had been his daily reminder during the process. In recent years Matt’s travails had run into more than it’s share of life’s inevitable roadblocks. Somewhere near the time he was entering his sixth decade the plan for a transformation had begun to take form. It was obvious to himself that a conversion needed to take place to transition into the twilight years with dignity and relevance. Matt found his way into a local coffee shop on the Western Hemisphere’s shortest day of the year. In the dusk of December, staring through the window pane, Matt could see only darkness. The day, in a litany of ways, symbolized the beginning of the end. Matt understood transformations only stop when you stop breathing. For this moment surrounding the holidays of 2023 he was feeling pretty good of the work he had put behind him. Beginning tomorrow the days would start to get brighter, longer, and filled with more hope. We here on this side of the world will be heading in the same direction as the sun worshippers. ‘Life is a continual set of beginnings and endings; it is a nonstop mental gymnastics exercise of making decisions, followed by evaluating the results.’ The only way to get anywhere is to keep moving, to keep changing, always adapting.’ His words sounded so efficient when he said them to himself. Matt had been exposed to the algorithms for living a successful and purposeful life.
It had taken Matt far too long, but somewhere amid a midafternoon bender he had an epiphany. He was confident he had learned his lessons; he had survived the plethora of bullets so painfully dislodged. Now it was time to execute life on his terms.
“Take the first step.” It sounds simple to have a plan. You write down some great ideas, think about how and when to implement, and then press the begin button. Matt put faith in “plans,” but like most humans, his plans looked great on paper only. It hadn’t taken Matt long to figure out that getting where you end up on this journey is all about the choices you make. Once thing for sure about Matt, he was as insecure as he was cocky, but he marched to his own strange beat. Since his early childhood Matt made a habit of observing other people’s life choices and as the years went pass followed the results of those decisions. Matt did not desire to be anybody else, but he was adept at walking through the orchard finding the best and the worst apples. Matt wanted to learn why some apples made it to your mouth and others died on the vine. Being gifted with the tongue of a very (sneaky) smooth talking father, had in the end, been both a blessing and a curse. Still gazing into the darkness from the java shop, Christmas lights reflecting in the glass, was a perfect setting for Matt to take inventory of his unwritten make-over project. “Fix yourself, and see what happens,” he whispered his secret formula to himself.
Christmas and New Years are a time for resolutions and new promises that you make to yourself. Matt had made several New Year’s proclamations over the years. He was unable to follow through on one. Matt finally was learning that transformations and resolutions are two very separate essences. “I am going to be kinder next year,” is a very popular declaration individuals shout to all who will listen. Through his experiences Matt realized that people loved to talk in the present on how much they are going to change, but they need to wait until the next year to do it. “I’ll start my diet after the holidays,” Matt often heard his father say sometime around the various approaching holidays. They were wasted words every time. Matt’s dad chose not to recognize the difference between resolutions and reformations, therefore never had to wrestle with the burdens that go along with personal transformation. Matt did not struggle talking a ‘good game’, but implementing actual change into himself was a slow and onerous procedure. It is fun to think about changing into the people we would prefer to be. The problem for Matt was not in the good thoughts, rather than that darn execution. Being all the things, you desire to be is challenging when dealing with your past together with the people in your life currently. Matt had spent years balancing “the one day at a time concept” vs. “tomorrow keeps coming as long as you’re alive.”
January 11th, 2022 was a typical deep winter afternoon in the northeast. Matt walked into one his regular haunts with no thoughts of any sort of ‘about face’ in his mind. After a couple of cosmopolitans his confusion started to take on some clarity. “All right buddy, I’m out, my daughter and her friend are home making dinner.” Matt’s daughter pushed a Corona in front of him. The voice that had been speaking silently to him for several years suddenly got loud: “No thanks,” said Matt, “I just decided I’m going to see if I can stay dry the rest of this month.” Before that day, the reformation plan was loose and seemingly impractical, now, a specific step had been taken. The trepidation as to how long his sobriety could last was at the top of his mind. “it shouldn’t be that hard to not do something. Sounds simple. Chores and tasks overwhelmed Matt but just not doing something should be an easy step to take, you don’t even have to take one.
“Everybody does a dry January,” Matt could hear his daughter suggest, “why not go a full year?” Matt did not respond but he knew she was on to something. For more than a couple of years Matt had had this personal transformation project in the back of his mind. “I’ve got to find a new direction; I have been heading down a dead end. It is time to turn around before you don’t have a chance to.” Matt had contemplated putting on the brakes and realized if he was going to find his way back to himself it could not be done without a clearly focused mind.
The first day of 2024 arrived with a snowless cover. As the year began with a world on the edge Matt was ready to take on a role of a completely new character. For sure the journey of 1,000 miles into 2024 had already begun. The long route home was still blazing with Christmas lights a week after Jesus’ birthday. Matt was starting the new year with a readiness spilling over with anxious excitement. He thought about the long trip of preparedness that had now settled into the first day of 2024. Matt turned his stare into the quiet gray sky. It was the kind of eery still it gets when the weather has calmed after the first snowfall. But the snow has not arrived just yet, aware that the major storms are still directly in front of us. Matt was on the most exciting journey of his life with no idea exactly where he was heading. If you are fortunate enough to make it deep into life remaining relatively healthy one can’t help but take a personal inventory. The process of evaluating who you are and where you have been is not for sensitive types. The painful results of our lives are sometimes best unevaluated. The only way we can evolve to recognize who we are is to look in the mirror. Matt had looked in the mirror in recent years and had lost that once young and ambitious young man of days gone by. In his mind the mirror held all the answers. “I guess it is never too late to be the kind of person I wanted I wanted to become,” Matt said to himself. It is all about options in life and Matt was determined to get the game right.
“Some hang on to ‘used to be’, live their lives looking behind,” Matt was listening to Joe Cocker on his car stereo. He had consciously abandoned the artist in him as he came of age in the land of jocks. He had accepted the labels others had assigned: Arrogant, shady, conman, who was entirely oversold. The world is full of “others” who think they can easily identify the winners from the losers . Transformation is defined as ; “A thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance.” In simpler terms it means to “alter oneself.” Matt was searching for a new perspective, and he knew that his plan had to be based on his experiences. What a novel, concept; giving yourself a mental and physical makeover, Matt said out loud. It certainly makes sense that if you do not spend enough effort investing in your personal well being you are making the greatest mistake of your life. If there was one thing about Matt, it was that he never shied away from taking care of himself. If you’re not fixed how do you expect anybody to respect your opinion. Matt believed that unless you are mentally ill every human is responsible for themselves. It is that simple “get yourself as good as you can and good things will start to fall into place.” The days were already lengthening, the new year had arrived. The holidays were over, and the resolutions made.
