President Trump announces he will not run for re-election in 2020. ” I am doing an amazing job and making a HUGE difference, but it is time for me to spend more time with my grandchildren.”
Don Lemon, immediately after Trump’s proclamation, declares he is making a run for President. Kaitlan Collins replaces him as anchor at CNN.
Sean Hannity throws his name into the ring as a Republican candidate for President. Ann Coulter is named to replace him at FOX.
Alabama wins the National Championship game over Notre Dame 49-10. After the game Alabama head coach Nick Saban resigns his coaching position and says he is running for President.
Congress files a lawsuit against Donald Trump for being forced to work during the 2018 Holidays. Hawaiian Senator Mazie Hirono does not return to Washington and has not been seen since.
David Bowie and Bing Crosby return to life and sing ‘Little Drummer Boy’ together. The entire staff at CNN and FOX sing back up on the recording.
The Patriots, Celtics, Red Sox, and Bruins all win championships for New England. Babe Ruth is seen from the heavens giving his classic wink and smile. Avid Yankee fans take their own life after the Sox make it four for four in October.
President Trump pulls the United States out of NATO and rolls out a plan for a new alliance called the BIG 3. We all assume that means America, Russia, and China, but Trump says he is still finalizing the deal.
The Trump administration comes up with a fool proof plan to cure cancer. Funding to finalize the research does not get through Congress. “If it is good but has Trump’s name on it we cannot accept it,” screams Senator Schumer from the floor of the house.
The government shut down lasts through the entire year. America moves on undisturbed. The Washington D.C. area falls far down the list of the most affluent places to live in the USA.
Tiger Woods wins his fifth Masters and breaks down into a fit of tears. Even his haters stand and applaud. “By far this is my greatest golfing victory.”
God reveals himself for the first time and has a message for all human kind. “I have been merely observing, carry on.”
Harvey Weinstein is found dead in his jail cell. The cause of death is not disclosed but rumors spread about certain objects that were pertruding from all of his orifices.
Reminiscent of the final scene of ‘The Godfather’, the five heads of enemy countries (Vladamir Putin, Kim Jung-un, Mohammed bin Salman, Xi Jinping, Bashar al-Assad) are terminated within 5 minutes of each other. DON Trump was on the 8th hole in Mar-a-Lago when the unfortunate accidents happen.
Putin’s last words were simply, “Nikogda doveryat une American.” It is speculated that Trump ordered the hit. Nothing can be proven and Trump claims to have had a great relationship with all five men.
General Mattis wins the award for reciting the quote of the year, “Be polite…….. but have a plan to kill everybody you meet.” Those Generals are silly little fellows, aren’t they?
Trump is unable to find replacements for the many vacated cabinet positions. Congress approves Trump family members to fill the open positions. Steven Miller is named Minister of Propaganda. ( he does look a bit like Mr. Joseph Goebbels.)
I have dinner with my dad every Sunday night. I finally admit to him he has far more wisdom than I ever gave him credit for.
Game of Thrones comes to an end with the Queen of Dragons sitting on the throne sans her babies. Jon Snow, Arya, Tryrion, and Sansa will be at her side. Light prevails over darkness.
Construction starts on a wall along our southern border that stretches higher and longer than The Great Wall of China. Mexico agrees to foot the bill.
It is decided that the United States needs to be involved with the rest of the world’s countries, but we realize we must make it a priority to fix up our own house. We go back to basics and start with the vowels: immigration, infrastructure, and education.
Paul Ryan is voted least missed politician in Washington. John Faso comes in a close second.
Mick Jagger adds a verse to his ballad ‘Sympathy for the Devil’. “I was there in America when the second Civil War was fought in vain.”
Historians describe December of 2018 as the calm before the HUGE storm. Let’s hope my crystal ball doesn’t have that right.
West Point wins National Championships in football and tennis. For the cadet gridders it is their first since 1946, for the netters it is their first ever.
Numerous hotels and apartment complexes are built in New York’s first Capital, Kingston. The city is given the nickname “K-town Southwest.”
The Dow Jones Industrial Average climbs to over 30,000. Barrack Obama takes the credit from his Ivory Tower.
The Honorable Ruth Bader Ginsburg makes it through another year.. She promises to live past the 2020 Presidential election.
It is revealed that Mark Zuckerberg works for both the FBI and CIA. Evidence is put forth that, in the last ten years, google and facebook aided in tripling the two agencies secret data bases. The sheep don’t care and only say, “BAAAAAAAA.”
Chris Cuomo retires to a private island. “Once you play the role of God on TV for two years, there isn’t much left,” are the last words he says publicly.
And so this is Christmas……….We are stronger together.
