The cold, the music , the people, but mostly the darkness are a constant reminder of the time of year. Joy to the world ,and peace on earth , the “Holidays” cometh, like your birthday, whether you want them to or not. From my days in Sunday school I aware that Christmas is the celebration of Christ’s birth. Of course Jesus wasn’t really born on what we call December 25th, but, ah ,what the heck. Like a herd of sheep as soon as Thanksgiving’s thanking is over we start heading right to all trappings of Christmas. Of which very few of them have anything to do with the Lord.
The cars with trees on the top, the wreaths, lights , and poinsettias are impossible to hide from. From the beginning of November my radio stations are playing the same old familiar yuletide songs being sung by a choir. No matter how much effort I make to avoid it I get Bing Crosby and David Bowie crooning together ” pa rum pa pum pum pa rum pa pum pum “. Not a bad sound if it wasn’t shoved into my ears every year 100 times a day. I nod passively as I am asked for the 10th time if my s
hopping is done. There is more tension than usual around my house and family. Is the tree as big as last year? Who are we spending Christmas day with? Where did the money go.? Did anyone send out Christmas cards? And of course, Santa Claus himself never reads Mary Kate’s list accurately.
The above mentioned primarily refers to traditions of the Christmas season. But is the emotional side of the holidays that hits me much deeper in my gut. No other time of the year am I more reflective, pensive, and sad.
I have more blessings in my life than I deserve, and yet Christmas makes me think primarily about things and people left behind. It gives me a homesickness for a home I cannot return to, a home which maybe never existed. As hard as I try for it not to Christmas represents the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of my past.
There are times every Christmas season my heart feels the magic of the season. When I hear bells and think of what a wonderful life it is and angels earning their wings. When I see my daughter Laura meticulously decorating our tree with glee and a twinkle in her eye. When I think back to the years Mary Kate believe in all the miracles. And finally, when I think of my own mom and what she was like, not just this time of the year, but every day of my whole life. She truly loved to give more than receive ,and boy the Christmas season was her finest stage. She was totally enamored with the whole season and everything about it. As an under graduate home for the Christmas break I would quietly attempt to sneak in the house very late at night, or I should say very early in the morning. Many times my mom would be up sitting in the living room just staring at our “Charlie Brown tree.” On one occasion I asked her why she saw gazing at a dumb tree with lights and ornaments on it.” I see everything I have to be thankful for and I try to see what is ahead.” This will be the third Christmas my mother won’t be with us during this festive time of the year. But for the first time I am going to make an effort to heed her wisdom. I am thankful, I do see opportunity ahead, and I will not dwell on all I’ve left behind. I’ve learned the hard way you cannot return to a place that never existed.
